My God rides a white horse

I just met my Divine Masculine. Thank Goddess—I mean, thank God—I have been waiting so long. He rides a pure white mustang and carries a gleaming silver sword, and he lives inside of me. He is gorgeous and strong. He is proud, a warrior, a fighter of the good fight, and he always wins because he never loses his dignity. He believes that love and light are true power. He loves me because he knows himself fully. He carries out the Divine Will through asserting his own with confidence and certainty. He has the power to create and manifest, to mold and shape, to give and keep. He is not afraid of what anyone else thinks. He needs no one to care for him, nurture him, or serve him. He only seeks the Love of his partner, the Divine Feminine. He comes to her well when he needs to be filled up with Source Love, after which he and his horse continue their sacred ride through the world.

I am ascending into my Higher Self. What the bleep does this mean? I am at once gaining my Self and losing myself. I have already surpassed any expectation I once had for my life, and I just turned 24. My bewilderment frightens and amazes me. Since I have lost most expectations for my future, I am learning to surrender to the moment. This is terrifying. Who the heck am I? Here are some things I know. I heal people with my hands, channel messages from higher worlds, sing tones of angels and waters and the sun. I intuitively guide myself throughout my day, aware of the subtle magic around me. I have retrieved lost pieces of my soul from past lives, talk to my ancestor spirits, and help clear ancestral wounds. I often embody the Divine Feminine, becoming a channel for a very real frequency of Unconditional Love that has sprung up from who knows what deep wells within my soul. I have frightened, angered, and healed men and women by helping them remember their hearts. I know how to use the magic of tantra to illuminate my energy body. I have awakened my kundalini. There is more. I have tapped into the collective unconscious of the female pain-body and transmuted suffering into compassion and love. I have retrieved part of my soul from the stake where I was burned because of my connection to the earth and the power of my womanhood. I have grounded needed frequencies from higher realms into the core of mother earth to help Gaia in her ascension process. I am ascending into my Higher Self.

What endless ocean of rationality can begin to comprehend a tiny grain of sand of this Divine Mystery? It is all unfolding before us NOW, and keeps unfolding at light speed. The most important change I ever catalyzed within myself was the movement from head to heart. The more centered my consciousness and being and awareness became within my Heart, the greater connection I found to my path and true self. Thinking mostly brings us out of the NOW time, into the past and future. Heart-living brings us into the present, the NOW, the Truth. We see the world for what it is, and the world starts to unveil its secrets. Magic emerges from within and without.

How to embrace this whirling dervish, this endless reaching upwards and rooting downwards, this rocketing ship into space, this rocking ocean of emotion, this flowering tree of life? There is only one way: let go. Surrender. Let go in the moment, no need for embraces. I am sorry if my embrace lasted far less than you expected. I was present while it lasted. The Highest Good of I and you and Gaia calls me onward. I must ride.

I am strong. I am pure. I am grounded. I am light. I am love. I AM.
Blessed be.
~OM~

Caught in the Void

That surging of energy within my entire body prevented me from drifting into a peaceful sleep. Wide awake, I was familiar with this routine. I walked barefoot out onto the street under a moon- and star-lit sky, and climbed up the nearby boulder pile awhile until I chose a flat-topped granite slab to call my meditation cushion. I surrendered to the energy, allowing it to direct my consciousness into a relaxed, altered state. One of my guides wanted to chat, so I looked around to make sure no one was watching. I opened my mouth to channel her words more clearly. “Why am I feeling this?” I asked her. I had been feeling empty, simply empty, like I had a huge hole in my heart. This feeling of emptiness had persisted for a few weeks, coming and going. “Sometimes we need to spend time in the Void,” she replied. The Void is where nothingness lies, where new births begin. It is a darkness that we fear because it is nothing. What do I do in nothing? Where do I go? Who do I turn to? There is nothing. It is terrifying if one gets caught up in thinking about it. It is the Black Hole at the center of our Universe, the empty space between atoms and between stars. It makes up something like 99.9% of the universe. All the stuff we know as our bodies, the earth, every Thing, only makes up at most one-tenth of one percent of the universe. But it is also the Divine Matrix that holds Matter. It is the womb that acts as a container for life. It may be seen as the feminine principle of creation.

My guide asked me to relax and be in the Void, to have faith that new beginnings needed a gestation period in the darkness. If we do not know the darkness, the empty nothingness, we cannot know the light, the beauty we grow into, the earth and the stars. And if we do not know the Void, we will fear it as we fear Death and cling to Life. If we cling to life, we never let our browning leaves fall to make room for new growth.

Soon after I surrendered to that feeling of emptiness inside of me, something new took root. This little seedling is searching upwards for the light. Who knows what this new life will bring, but I will try to nourish it as best I can, as I would for all little fragile things taking their first shaky steps in the world.